Am I An "Employee?"

Guess enough time has passed that there won't be a disturbance in the Force...

I've rewritten this next sentence probably six times already. It's actually scary to write... almost scary to accept.

One year ago I became an "employee."

Wow. Kinda blows my mind looking at that statement. I receive a normal paycheck for working a... get this... a 9-to-5 job.

I initially sat down to write a post about how much I love my... [gulp]... job. The people I am working with, and the company I am working for, have been so great this past year that I needed some outlet. However, as I started to write this post I realized that there is a bit of it I am ignoring... something I'm not entirely sure I've come to terms with.

A year ago I decided that I needed a vacation from the entrepreneurial world. For so many years I've been focused on creating businesses, inventing new patents, and following the footsteps of other leaders, that I became someone I didn't recognize. The passions that made me... well... me were a distant memory. Martial arts, skydiving, hang gliding, running, music... all of the things I've enjoyed my entire life had become conversation pieces. My parachute hasn't been touched in so long that I'd be scared to jump even if I had it serviced. The fuel system in my bike needed to be rebuilt because of how long it sat for. Heck, I haven't run in so long that I don't even look like the same person. Heck, I went from the guy who used to design fitness plans for friends to being embarrassed to even be seen wearing a fitness monitor.

Actually, as I write this, it's pretty clear how badly I needed this change in my life. Chasing the next million has almost cost me everything. I guess, if nothing else, writing this forces my brain to realize how unbalanced everything was.

So, yeah, I became an employee... sorta. Granted, I don't have the same financial concerns as someone who works to put food on the table. So maybe it isn't fair to compare myself to other folks I work with or even why we work. Maybe that's why it's still fun... being able to work without the same worries as others.

And, while we're on the subject. What the heck do people do when they retire? Who could retire? You can't simply shut your mind off. Can you? I know I can't. There's always going to be those creative desires. There's always going to be that next great idea to breathe life into. If you're "retired" then are you not simply making a conscious decision to ignore those thoughts and desires? How does that work?

Huh. Never really thought of that. Maybe being an "employee" actually is me retiring. Maybe this is how one satisfies those creative desires while giving your brain just enough "work" so you can do something relaxing come 5 o'clock.

Gotta be honest. As I write this there is a feeling of fear and anxiety building up.

Am I really an employee. I thought I was when I sat down at the keyboard a few minutes ago. However, that would mean that I've stopped doing anything with my talents other than for a company which I have zero ownership within. And, while that statement may be true today, how long will that last? What happens when an opportunity knocks which I cannot ignore? What then?

I guess I am an employee... for now.